What if...

Let me preface this latest blog by showing a comment that was left on my last entry. My question was if I could enter into a non LDD relationship if something were to happen to Kim. Read on...

Now that you've discovered who you really are, could you honestly walk away if you had another relationship? I'm not suggesting that this is an easy topic to bring up. But would you be happy if you weren't the acknowledged HOH?

Hmmm....here we go again, making me think. :) It's a conspiracy I tell ya.

As I stated in my previous entry, it would difficult, if not impossible for me to enter into another romantic relationship with someone. While I am not awaiting my AARP card yet, I am staring 40 right in the face. With that said, I couldn't see myself getting into the social mainstream of dating...ewwww. Too many head games, too many pitfalls and way too many weirdos out there to contend with nowadays. However, I digress. The question was could I co-exist in a relationship without being "the acknowledged HOH?" Let's find out...

I tried to consider all of the many aspects to relationships and marriage. Who wears the pants? Who does what to make the household function? Money, sex, chemistry...I thought about it all, or at least tried to. What I came up with in my simple caveman mind may be looked on as a cop out to a certain extent. Bare in mind though, I have been in two failed marriages, dated very little as a teenager and was never really 'in love' until Kim...I never had that connection with someone until her, so my perspective may be much different.

I think it is generally accepted that man is the HOH in the majority of households, no matter if it is a LDD HOH or the typical 'he wears the pant' HOH. I grew up in a home where the dad went off to work, the mom stayed home and cooked, cleaned, bandaged scraped knees and elbows and tended to the bills. Not once did the question come up, "who runs the house?" Dad gave instruction and mom carried them out. It was the same way with my stepdad and my mom. He made the decisions. The problem with that scenario is that neither one of them gave my mom once ounce of direction, and worse never gave her any praise for the things she did. They just came to expect it. In my mind, it was somewhat like LDD without the love, praise and/or direction. My mother led a pretty lousy existence now that I think about it. There was no dynamic, no passion...how sad.

Now, here I am all grown up.(haha) Two failed marriages under my belt, and nearly a third before Kim and I embraced LDD fully. Now we have this energy...Kim refers to it as 'synergy', which I think fits us. Before LDD though, Kim and I had failed each other, just as we had failed in our past relationships. After a brief separation, we finally put the pieces together. If we had got back together and not engaged in a LDD relationship, there is no doubt in my mind that we would be right back on that same old dead end road of disappointment, heartache and resentment.

So, knowing what I know now...I can honestly say that there would have to be at least some elements of LDD in any relationship for me. Otherwise, history would repeat itself. I want to guide, I want to lead and I want her to surrender to me.

Understand, that this is very strange for me to talk about. I just glanced up at Kim, who is sitting at the other computer here in our home. She is the one that introduced me to LDD, she is the one that I love unconditionally, and she is the one that I would lay my life down for. She is MY GIRL. Trying to conjur up this 'other' person is making my blood run cold. As I stated in my last entry...I would end up spanking her BECAUSE she's not Kim.

Being the HOH gives me a greater sense of who I am. More importantly, it gives me a greater sense of who I can be...the potential to be greater than I am today. I owe that feeling to my Kim, I would not want to let her down. So, if there were to ever be this 'other' person, she would have to be willing to every bit the woman that Kim is...and that would be impossible. This 'other' person would end up hating me because I would end up spanking her out of resentment for who she is not. Have I mentioned how much I love my wife in any of these entries??? :)

I know I sound like a wishy-washy sap, but I'm with the perfect woman for me in a LDD relationship, and we are more in love with each other than ither of us thought possible. I can't imagine a 'dynamic' or 'synergy' like this with anyone else.

It would come down to a simple choice if something happened to Kim...stay single or try to convince this 'other' person the benefits of a LDD relationship. I would rather stay single if this 'other' person were to reject LDD and not acknowledge me as HOH. I know that sounds like my ego boiling over, but it would be damn near impossible for me to return to a life where a harmony like the one Kim and I have did not exist.